He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
