Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
