Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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