Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So here I am, sexting at work.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
