The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We left an ass print on the piano.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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