just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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