1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
this hospital has no fireball
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
