She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
