i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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