just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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