Just took my morning after pill in the library
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
