i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
