dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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