woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
