Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
