does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
