I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
