Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
