winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
