I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
