ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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