Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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