My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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