I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
