my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
