im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
