sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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