I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
