Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
