dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is Oprah even human
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
