how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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