my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I look excited, but its just a facade.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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