omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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