Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
