can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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