he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
