we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
