I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize