anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
