i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
