i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
