I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Success! We fucked roommates!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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