I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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