good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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