I don't remember. Are we still dating?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
