Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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