you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
