He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
