just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
