I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
