Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm like, not good at living.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
