Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
