The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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