I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
