But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
