we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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