Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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