3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
