Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
