dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
