What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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