I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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