I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
