Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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