My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
