Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
