my sisters under your porch take her home
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
