I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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