i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
