You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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