my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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