I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
